there is a natural exhaustion that takes place in the midst of life-transition and of this exhaustion i am becoming an expert. it’s a strange sort of exhaustion, one that cannot easily be put into words, but one that is more physical in nature than anything else. as the frenzied pace of vocational ministry begins to come to a screeching halt, my body begins to scream from the affects. my mind still functions, and in fact is quite hungry—i’m reading at an unbelievable pace the past few days. my passions are also at an all-time high as i find myself about to explode in excitement about the next chapter of life that continues to unfold. the reality is, i am physically exhausted… so much so that it’s almost all i can do to get up and get going.
this exhaustion does give me pause for wonder, as yet another chapter creeps ever so close to an end and another one prepares its beginning (i feel as if i’m in the middle of turning a page between the chapters of a book). there’s a tremendously deep ache within my bones, an exhaustion that i cannot fully comprehend that is accompanied by this feeling that at any moment i could curl up in a ball and go soundly to sleep. i wonder, is this what it feels like to completely pour yourself out in ministry? am i completely “broken” so to speak, completely “poured out” and now just looking for God to piece me back together and begin “filling me up” once again? could this be one of the greatest times of preparation in my life as the page turns and I allow God to fill my passions beyond overflowing, my study to the same and give me the physical rest necessary to pursue this next thing, this new thing?
i somehow find the exhaustion inspiring… and i look forward to tihs time of rest, this time of piecing back together. it officially begins next sunday (2.11.07), but i can already tell that God is “finishing me off” (so to speak) and letting the last few ounces ooze like a twisted sponge… i’m excited for the future and what God has in store when the page finally gets flipped. but maybe the greatest thing of all, for the first time ever i am as equally excited about the “now”, about the present and taking this journey one step at a time. the finish line is near and the uncertainty is beginning to crash in all around but i am looking forward to it. i’m looking forward to this adventure, to this journey and the struggles of living in the “now” (the present) have all washed away.
patience is a beautiful thing.
Related posts:
Now you have time to dream again! It seems like we know the dream, yet we have a hard time hearing it, too. Then I think that we want to make the dream more about us than God… and that dream has to die. Lastly, it is hard to abandon some degree of “wisdom” and lots of fears to act on the dream that He began pouring into our heart long ago.
The good times in ministry kept me busy. The bad times made me dream. So being broken is ok, even good!