It’s a visual aid. For my performance review. Budget is tight, so if anyone’s getting a riase, it will be a fight to the death. I intend to win that fight. “DWIGHT … Determined. Worker. Intense. Good worker. Hard worker. Terrific.” … Magnificent worker.
~ Dwight

Never, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.
~ Michael

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, “Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing.
Dwight

Phyllis, did you break wind? It’s okay if you did, it’s a very natural reaction. It’s your wedding day and you’re nervous…. Okay, um… I’m sure that Bob - wow, that is… shhh… that is pungent.
~ Michael

“You were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world, and then… then suddenly she’s not your ho no mo.”
~ Michael

“Where have you been? And don’t say the bathroom because I kicked in all the stalls.
~ Dwight

“Why do I love Hooters? Um, I’ll give you two reasons: the boobs and the hot wings.”
~ Michael

Sometimes, I try to imagine what it’s like to be a woman. I have a full length mirror in my bathroom, and before I get dressed, I’ll “tuck” myself between the legs, just to see. And it’s uncomfortable.”
~ Michael

“My cousin Heindl could have been a great athlete, but he bought a pair of irreguar footie pajamas from the store and his legs grew unevenly. Now he can only run in broad elliptical patterns. When he ran for the bus he would have to aim 45 degrees to the right, and the natural curve of his warped-leg path would eventually guide him back to the door.”
~ Dwight

I saw this last week and laughed very, very hard. Jon Stewart gets it right once again…