“Jesus was a Zombie.”


“…Jesus was a zombie.”

Do you ever wonder how conversations end up where they do? How they wind around, weaving and twirling until someone says, “But you know, Jesus was a zombie”? That’s where my conversation stood at this particular moment. We had been waxing eloquently about the beauty of ancient architecture and whisky, the exquisite splendor of nature and the best floral notes of gin, when all of a sudden something triggered a long, drawn-out rabbit trail that ended with, “Jesus was a zombie. How anyone could believe in Jesus, a man who rose from the dead and only wants to steal your brain. Well, that’s just beyond me.”

How do you respond to that?

I sat there and stammered, “u-ummm, w-well… uh… so… u-uhh… you see it… uhhhhhh…” I sighed in confusion and fell silent, looking down at the whisky I began swirling in my glass.

I’ve had my share of interesting conversations, but never before have I heard this: “Jesus was a zombie…. who only wants to steal your brain.” The inference of such a statement is pretty clear: in order to believe in the resurrection (and Jesus) you have to check your brain at the door.

My silence felt like a speed bump but our conversation drifted smoothly back into its original lane.

Hindsight can be an important teacher.

If I had this to do all over again, I would have responded differently… I would have replaced my stammering–a sign of my own internal struggle and need to defend and attack with sharp and cunning statements of certitude and conviction (my brain is fully engaged thank you very much!)–with questions that pursued understanding, sensitivity, and kindness. I would have thoughtfully engaged in his thinking and his ideas with a posture of learning and inquisitiveness to get my head around his conclusions. It is only when we seek to understand that we can have a fuller, more rich conversation.

While I may have failed in the moment, I wanted to prepare myself for another potential “Zombie Jesus” conversation. In pursuit of understanding, I did a little digging. (There’s a treasure trove of interesting images on Google). I found that “Zombie Jesus” has actually been around for a while. Its origins are attributed to a throwaway laugh line (“Sweet Zombie Jesus!”) in an episode of Futurama from 1999. The more I looked into the depths of the inter-webs, I found that Zombie Jesus is actually a symptom of a much larger conversation at work in our culture. Zombie Jesus has become a rallying cry of critique against the anti-intellectualism of the Church. Hence the statement: “check your brain at the door.”

Check your brains at the door.

The sentiment is that the church, and Christians in general are an unthinking sort who have dismissed art, literature, philosophy, education, and science. And if you’re thinking that’s an unfair critique, the critics will quickly point to the Christian subculture that we have created. We have distanced ourselves from engaging with art and literature and replaced it with Thomas Kinkades, Precious Moments, and The Left Behind Series. They are also quick to point out our penchant for deriding public education and science. (People I meet in bars are always surprised to find out that as a Christian we don’t homeschool our daughter or have her in a Christian parochial school, but have her in the public schools system.)

In the many different conversations with people at bars and coffee shops around Seattle, I have found a growing sentiment of anti-intellectualism as a unifying critique of the church. We are a zombie church following after a Zombie Jesus intent on devouring the brains of the people.

Now, this critique isn’t without warrant. In my own history within the church I have experienced much of the same. I’ll never forget the time a man from the congregation stood up in the middle of a sermon to say the Pharisees greatest sin was that they were “too educated!” His statement received with applause and nods of agreement. Or the time I was told I would be respected more if I dropped out of graduate school and stopped pursuing greater education in favor of greater experience.

What I am finding along this journey of understanding the anti-intellectual bias within the church is, Jesus doesn’t actually need me to push back and fight against “Zombie Jesus” as a statement. He needs me to understand it and its cultural significance. He needs me to be curious. To be a learner, a pursuer. To press into the conversations and the ideas that are present in this place instead of pressing against them. Jesus needs me, and the Church to show differently.

I have found some encouragement in this pursuit through the words of Father Richard Rohr, “The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. Oppositional energy only creates more of the same.” I don’t want to speak out in opposition to “Zombie Jesus” and the anti-intellectualism it represents. I want to practice something better. I want to explore all of the ways in which I can better love God with all of my mind (Matthew 22.37). Or as Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message, my intelligence. This is, after all a part of the greatest commandment.

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Prepare for the End… (Pt. 2)


church planting 10 Be sure to check out Part 1 of this 2 part series.

Save at least 4 months of living expenses
You never know if/when the church you’re planting will shut down. I know it may seem counter-productive to plan for its demise before you’ve even begun, and some church planters would much rather live on the edge believing the lack of a safety net actually gives you a stronger drive to succeed, but that attitude is sort of like playing third base without a cup. I played baseball with a guy that had this same attitude. He refused to wear a cup at third base believing the threat to his manhood gave him a quicker first step… and then one day it didn’t. An unexpected short hop took him down for the count. This is the danger you face as a church planter… you never know when the short hop is coming.

Saving at least 4 months of living expenses is as close as you can get to wearing a cup. I wish that this was something I had done deliberately, that I had the foresight to plan this way. I didn’t. However, my wife and I did sort of stumble into this reality. For some reason or another–perhaps the impending birth of our daughter–we started spending money a little differently and ended up saving several months worth of income. This has helped us in a few different ways on the back side of church planting.*

  1. Time to decompress: I had a few months to simply rest, to be, and not really worry about anything financially–especially as it related to my family’s well being. I wasn’t pressed to get a job or even start looking. Instead I had the time to sit back and reflect on what happened and what I’d learned. This was been an invaluable period of time for me. This was a wonderful gift not only for me but my family.

    In talking with other church planters that have had to deal with the trauma of closing down a church, this is often a luxury they cannot afford. The lack of finances get in the way of properly dealing with this loss, this grief, and most of the time church planters end up completely leaving the ministry. Most do this not because they’ve lost their calling but because they’re pressed financially and ultimately burnt out.

    Here’s a hard truth to consider: When you shut down, you’re not guaranteed severance. I was given a month and a half of pay when we made the decision to shut down. That’s 45 days… which if you’re banking on severance alone to give you the proper space to decompress, it’s not enough.

  2. Time to reshape your rhythms: I have found that on the other side of church planting/pastoring, many of the daily rhythms in my life were completely out of whack. (It took me at least 45 days to simply rest and get back on some sort of normal sleep schedule.) After exiting the decompression phase, I spent a great deal of time allowing life to settle into new rhythms, paying attention to those rhythms, honing those rhythms, and realizing what’s been missing and what’s still missing. For me there are 7 daily and 3 weekly rhythms that I am working on to make sure are present because they are vital not only to my well being but to my family… what I’m finding is that they’re pretty simple when you have the time to pay attention to them.

    My daily rhythms: running, lectionary, journaling, reading, a walk with my daughter, time with my wife, and writing.
    My weekly rhythms: church, group-life, family day.

    These aren’t rocket science. I have to diligently work to re-make these as fixtures in my normal rhythm of life. I wouldn’t have the space to do this if I had had to jump straight back into the job market. This is necessary on the back end of church planting and I believe it helps you move back towards a healthy view of reality.

  3. Time to dream again: When the church closes down, the greatest dreams you’ve ever had go down with it. It’s hard to give yourself permission to dream. It’s made exponentially more difficult when you field the barrage of questions from well meaning friends and family, “What’s next?!” To get to this place once again is no easy task, and it takes time. If you have prepared your family financially for a period of time post church plant, you have given yourself an amazing gift: the ability and space to begin dreaming again. To give yourself the permission to dream once again, however, will not come easy–it certainly wasn’t for me. But you have given yourself the space, and the more space you afford yourself, the better off you will be.

Saving 4 months worth of income sounds like an impossible task for some, however I would like to remind you that it is possible. I lived in the second most expensive city in the country and was able to make this a possibility. If I can do it, so can you.

My hope and prayer is that you never have to go through the trauma of closing down a church, but if you do I hope these few learnings can help ease a bit of the trauma and help you walk well into what’s next.

* It also helped that my wife is a working professional, and helped in great ways to support our family during this time.

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Prepare for the End… (Pt. 1)

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church planting 10I never thought I would be one of “those” people: a “failed church planter.” I was certain that within 2 years we’d have this large church with an amazing, large staff doing tremendous things that make a huge difference in the city. Bigger! Better! Faster! Those idealistic dreams were almost an after-thought. I had built the church’s success in my mind before the church had actually come to fruition!

And if you’re honest, you know exactly what I’m talking about. We all go into church planting with these grand dreams and visions, with idealism oozing from our being, all the while stuffing realism into the trunk! This isn’t always a bad thing… in fact, it’s what makes us the crazy ones with a sort of entrepreneurial spirit that drives us to try, experiment, and start new things! This is one of the ingredients of a church planter: an unshakable desire to pioneer and start something new with Jesus at the center. (Alan Hirsch calls this the “Apostolic Genius”.)

All of this idealism we experience at the beginning doesn’t always come to fruition at the end. Inevitably, some of us will walk down a road we never thought possible staring at the difficult and gut wrenching decision to close the doors of the plant for good. I never thought that would be me… and some of you, right now think the exact same thing: “That will never be me.” (I want to take a sidestep for a moment and recommend a podcast called Start Up. It’s a great podcast about the ups and downs of starting a company, documentary style. The similarities between their experiences and the experience of a church planter are startling. Give it a listen!)

While my hope and prayer is that you would never have to join the fraternity/sorority of the “failed” church planter—honestly it feels too much like a secret society filled with shame, but that’s a different post for a different time—I do, however think there are some things one can do to prepare on the front side for what may become a reality. I believe this series of posts (Prepare for the end) are vitally important for the church planter. Too often I have seen church planters leave ministry after the closing of a church plant and I’m tired of seeing that happen. I want to help mitigate some of that by getting us thinking and preparing for that possibility. Over the next couple of posts I want share some of these ways. These posts aren’t comprehensive and so I want to invite you to add to them as well–especially if you’re a “failed” church planter like me.

Live with the fragile nature of the church.
As with any start-up (again check out the Start Up Podcast!), it doesn’t take a lot to see it all come crumbling down. We typically hear the stories of moral failure bringing down a church plant, and usually when a church shuts down we’ve been conditioned to think: “Oh, he must have been caught with hookers while snorting coke!” And yes, unfortunately these stories do happen–perhaps too frequently–but I’ve been surprised at just how little it can take to end the life of a church.

In my case it was burnout. Burnout led the dominoes to start falling. It led to how I treated my staff, how I treated my leaders, my volunteers, how I treated people within the congregation. My burnout led to me placing greater and greater expectations on everyone that they simply could not meet–and then I’d get angry at what I perceived as their lack of commitment. It was a vicious cycle that continued until I had dug a hole so deep, I couldn’t get out of by myself. Other stories of “failure” have been purely financial: the new church simply could not support itself independently. Others revolve around an inability for the new church to gain any traction with the vision and values. Regardless, there are a myriad of ways in which a new church does not make it. New churches are fragile.

It is important for you, as a church planter, to live with the understanding that the new church is fragile. This brings about a greater sense of perspective, a perspective of appreciation, a healthy temperance to taking ill advised risk, a greater appreciation for the work you are engaging in, and ultimately a perspective that helps you realize that this is Jesus’ church, not yours. Remember, this can all be gone in an instant. Own the fragility of the church.

(At the risk of sounding contradictory, I also want to say a new church is also rather resilient. One or two, even 10 missteps will not doom a church. You’d be amazed at what it can handle.)

Owning the fragility of the church is a way of preparing you for the end. This nugget helps to bring about a sense of perspective not only in the throws of planting, but on the other side of “failure” as well. This perspective helps to create space in your heart and mind so that you can get back up, heal, and continue in ministry in some capacity. It also gives you the head and heart space to effectively evaluate what went wrong on the other side. (In all honesty, that is the space from where all of these posts–10 of them now–have been borne.)

[In the next edition of “Prepare for the end” I want to talk about having a financial contingency plan.]

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Be Yourself.

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Be Yourself

This post has been republished by the Exponential Network.

Before his death, Rabbi Zusya said,
“In the coming world, they will not ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’
They will ask me: ‘Why were you not Zusya?'”
– Martin Buber, Tales of the Hasidim

Who do you think you are?
I mean that as a serious question: Who do you think you are?
At the very core of your being who is it that God has uniquely created you to be?

Each and every one of us has an identity, a unique being that rests deep within our core waiting to emerge. Too often however, instead of listening to the gift of our true identity we spend our lives trying on the identities of others. Like a pile of clothes in the fitting room we see the characteristics or mannerisms of others and we put them on. We become mere imitations rather than living into our true selves. Your True Self, according to Richard Rohr, is who you objectively are from the very beginning of your life. It is your substantial self, your absolute identity.

I spent a good portion of time as a church planter engaged in a hard battle with my identity. I listened intently to people who tried to mold me into who it was they wanted me to be, who they needed me to be, who they thought I was supposed to be. I imbibed the criticisms of others when it struck against my True Self. I recoiled from my True Self turning towards the encouragment I received when I fitted myself with a new False Identity. I rejected my passions and exchanged them for the passions of others. I rejected my interests and exchanged them for the interests of others. I rejected my voice and exchanged it for the muddled voice of others. I had become an enigma.

You see, you cannot be an authentic person when you continually try on the identities of others. Trying to live into someone else’s identity will inevitably fail. It will do great damage to your church and it will do great damage to your soul. As church planters, it is easy to see other pastors and church planters we admire and begin incorporating the best of them into our selves. We drink deeply from their identity and slip into theirs trying it on for size. But it doesn’t work. It never provides us the fulfillment or the acceptance we’re so desperately looking for. Why?

You are not Rob Bell.
You are not Jon Tyson.
You are not Erwin McManus.
You are not ______________.

You must be yourself. You must be the person that God has created you to be. You must be “Zusya”. Which means you have to drink deeply from the well of God, for our True Self comes from God.

You must be yourself because here’s the thing: We need you. We need the real you, the true, authentic you. We don’t need more imitations in the church. We need your unique giftings and personality, the combination of your passions and your interests, your true voice.

It is a process. It takes time to listen to your voice as it calls out from within your being.
But it is worth it.

Parker Palmer writes in his book Let Your Life Speak:
“Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought [or think we ought] to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks–we will also find our path of authentic service to the world.”

Let us live more and more into the person God has created us to be.

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Fundraising Partners are more than bags of money

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Church Planting
This post has been republished by the Exponential Network.

One of the greatest fears of the church planter is running out of money before the new church is self-sufficient. This is especially true for the urban church planter. When I started the journey towards church planting I consistently found myself up against the suburban church planting model which allows for the new church to be completely self-sufficient in 3 years, including the 6 month ramp-up period for the church planter to move into the community and launch a new church. The realities of the city are much different than that of a suburban community, in fact I was told on a couple of occasions from other urban planters that it would take at least 5 years before you could become a self-sufficient church. Although they were well meaning, this only helped to stress me out making the ticking financial clock sound louder and louder with each passing month. (If you’re thinking about urban planting you will definitely need more than 3 years to become self-sufficient… unless through a miraculous act of God the community that is assembled are already tremendously generous!)

The fear of dwindling money can serve to create a scarcity mentality making you see your fundraising partners solely as bags of money. When I started IKON, I had 22 different churches partnering with me financially to make this possible. Twenty-two different churches from all across the country banded together behind the vision of IKON and generously supported nothing more than a dream. Now that’s a pretty remarkable collection of churches and by no means the norm, however it created several challenges for me that I was unprepared for.

Some things I realized:

  1. Churches want a return on their investment. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they expect hundreds of baptisms/conversions in the span of a few months. (Although this may very well be a metric they’re hoping for–don’t leave this unspoken.) Usually what churches are looking for is connectivity. They’re looking for a relationship that goes beyond sending money every month/quarter/year. They want their connection with your church plant to be something that helps their own people grow by exposing them to something new/different. This means they will more than likely want to send teams of people your way to help out in some way… a short-term missions trip of sorts.

    I did a horrible job with this. In all honesty, I saw this as more of a burden than anything positive. I consistently viewed these offers of help as taking away opportunities for growth from the people of IKON. So I did everything I could to steer clear of the asks and instead of finding a win, separated IKON from opportunity.

    Here’s the reality that I should have strived for. I should have seen this as a wonderful opportunity for the people of IKON to mingle and interact with other like-minded Christians from around the country. I should have seen this as an opportunity for these churches to help me ingrain the DNA of service I so desperately wanted for IKON. One missions trip could have ingrained more into the life of IKON than a series of sermons on the topic. Why? Because it would have been flesh and blood examples right in front of their eyes. This was a huge missed opportunity on my part.

    What I needed was a plan, and that’s exactly what I lacked. If you’re a church planter, you need a plan for short-term missions trips coming to you. If you’re an organization, you need to help the church planter develop a plan. If you’re a supporting church you need to ask the church planter what their plan is. Here are three things I’d recommend be a part of your plan:

    • Make your intentions to the missions team known: I want you to exemplify service to this church. You are here not only to serve us but be examples for us to look to.
    • Create opportunities for your people to serve alongside the missions team. Don’t simply let the missions team serve and then interact relationally with your people in the evening. There needs to be co-serving and co-mingling.
    • Make sure that you have created a missions trip template. What will all missions trips look like? You can create options for the teams to choose from, but you need to make sure that you’re not planning every trip that comes in. Bonus point: Develop relationships with organizations in the city that your people are serving in. When missions teams come to the city, have them set up a time to serve that organization on your behalf. This will save you time and increase your relationship with local organizations.
    • Have someone from your church lead the missions team on a tour of the city before they serve the city or your church. This will give them a great deal of context. (What better way to develop passion for the city in a member of your own community than to have the share about the city!)

    There are certainly other criteria to add into this list, but at least this gives you a starting point.

    Perhaps a question for you to ask yourself: If you wouldn’t want the DNA of the particular church to be a part of your own church community, then do you really want them to be financial partners with you? If you don’t want the people of a particular church to interact with your own church community, then do you really want the to be financial partners with you? These questions may help you in locating the right partners…

  2. Churches want regular communication. This should be a “duh” statement. I would say that I did a decent job with this at first but as the rigors of the church came into play it became increasingly difficult to stay on top of. In fact, it simply became just another “thing” on my to-do list. I’d recommend passing this off to someone from your church to do well. Remember that churches want to share with their people exciting stories of what God is doing in other parts of the country. They are trying to expand their congregations outlook beyond their own local community.
  3. Churches want what’s best for you. If you’re partnering with the right churches, those that share the same DNA as you, then you can rest assured that they want what’s best for you. So, don’t be afraid to ask for help where you’re struggling. Partnering churches want to be more than bags of money, they want to be a resource for you. I wish I would have realized this and known what to ask for when we were struggling with various things. Unfortunately I realized this a bit too late. It was in our last year that I asked one of our partner churches to help us clarify and better communicate our core values. It was a tremendous experience and a wonderful help to us, unfortunately I waited a little too long.

    Your partner churches are established churches that are doing some things right, highlight for yourself what it is that you think they are doing really well and ask them to help you when the time is right. Do you have partner churches that have a tremendous volunteer culture? Then ask them to help you develop that. Do you have partner churches that are knocking it out of the park when it comes to evangelism or arts or music or preaching or discipleship? Then ask them to help you develop this within your own community. This can happen in a variety of ways. Don’t think you have it all figured out because you’re a church planter… you need help and a lot of it. Partner churches can be the greatest resource you have at your disposal. Don’t leave it unused on the side of the road.

  4. Fundraising partners are more than bags of money. They are valuable relationships that can help you in myriad ways. Expand your vision, expand your horizons, expand your understanding of partnership and the scarcity mentality you’re wrestling with will soon be replaced with an vision of abundance because you’ll have more than you ever thought possible.

Rob Bell says, ‘Go to AA’


Rob Bell
Hanging out on Rob Bell’s Live Stream page is a special book event he did at the Viper Room in Los Angeles last year. The replay includes nearly an hour of Q + A from the audience and some interesting gems in Rob Bell-ian fashion.

One gem in particular stood out to me and caused me some pause. Near the beginning of the replay Bell talks about his early days in ministry and a formative experience with a recovering alcoholic in his congregation who suggested to Bell, “Church should be like an A.A. meeting.” Bell decides to see this for himself. So, he enters into the sacred space of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to experience the vivid transparency, the brokenness, the struggle of the men and women in the room. Bell resonated with the A.A. meeting and agreed with the man, ‘this is what the church should be like,’ and that’s what he strove to create with Mars Hill in Grand Rapids.

This is a beautiful story–an ideological story–but a beautiful one nonetheless. In fact, due to Bell’s engaging communicative fashion it’s extremely inspirational in the telling. So inspirational that I believe there will be a cadre of undercover pastors and church planters visiting A.A. meetings in their neighboring towns and cities to see exactly what it is that Rob Bell is talking about. And that’s unfortunate.

As someone who worked for a couple of years in a drug and alcohol rehab center as a Residential Counselor, I can tell you from first-hand experience that an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is not what the church needs to be like, because it already is like that.

Let’s not be so quick to idealize/idolize Alcoholics Anonymous.

Now before I go any further, for the sake of clarification, A.A. is an amazing organization, and it’s spin-off groups (Narcotics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, etc) have created an environment where life transformation happens because of vulnerability and transparency. But the same can also be said of the church. Yes, it’s true. The church, despite its flaws, actually has many bright spots of life transformation. But here’s the kicker: A.A. is full of people, just like the church is full of people. And people aren’t very good letting you in on their secrets. And in an A.A. meeting there is just as much showmanship, lying, secrecy, pride, arrogance (read: the dark side of humanity) as there is in the church.

Now let me state for the record: I’m not bashing Rob Bell and I’m not bashing Alcoholics Anonymous. That is not the point of this post. The point is for you Mr/Mrs Church Planter/Pastor/Church Leader. Let’s not look at A.A. as the next great model for how the church should do small groups or relationship in general. The model is not the secret ingredient for life transformation. Rather, it is in the people. It is a group of people who are simply willing to be vulnerable with one another. A people who are willing to trust, a people who are willing to forgive, a people who are willing to own their own junk, that is the key. I have seen this happen in A.A. and, yes, I have even seen this in the church.

Here’s the kicker. If this is what you want in your church community, then model it–embody it. Don’t spy on an A.A. meeting, don’t be a spectator to people’s pain and brokenness (in a place you have no business being in the first place). Instead, be the one to take the first step in your own church community. You want to see it happen, then make it happen. Going to an A.A. meeting won’t accomplish that for you. And if it doesn’t work, hey at least you tried… and in the process you didn’t destroy someone else’s safe space.

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Don’t Let Go of Your Vision

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This post has been republished by the Exponential Network.
One of the hardest things about closing down a church, especially the church you started, is trudging through the list of regrets. Let me tell you, the list will be long and the water can get really deep… don’t sit in the regrets for too long.

As I’ve reflected on my experience as a church planter I have done my best to stay away from regret and instead focus on what I can learn. It is a fine line however, and a difficult one to navigate. One area I’m attempting to navigate away from regret is this: Don’t Let Go of Your Vision.

I spent several years preparing to plant a church. Included in that preparation were numerous sleepless nights filled with prayer, years of conversation, a multitude of exciting dreams and visions, hopes, possibilities, plans, all of which culminated in a beautiful vision for a different kind of church. This vision, I believed, was inspired by God.*

When we finally arrived in San Francisco, I worked it out so that I could have 14 months of prep-time before the official public launch. (Typically organizations give you a 6-month ramp up period for this, don’t be afraid to negotiate what you feel is necessary, it will more than likely require extra fundraising on your part. It did for me, but it was definitely worth it. Refer back to the post To Partner or not to Partner.) I spent the first 6 months exegeting the city, learning as much as I could about our neighborhood through demographic studies, listening to the values and belief systems of our neighbors, listening to their hopes and dreams, and even hearing their stories of abuse and pain from previous religious experiences. It was an invaluable time to simply listen. I used this time of listening to confirm and re-work portions of the vision until I felt comfortable that this was what God was calling me to do/lead. (This was all done sans-team, by the way. I hadn’t yet hired anyone to join the team.)

The first test of the vision was casual conversation. People would ask, “So, what do you do?” to which I would respond, “Starting a non-profit.” (I didn’t want to get bogged down in a conversation about the evils of the Church or Christianity in general, I simply wanted to test run the vision.) “Really,” they would respond with intrigue, “tell me more about it.” This was my opening to cast the vision, to communicate gospel-oriented values and see if there was any traction. Time after time after time the vision was met with tremendous acceptance, specifically from non-Christians. “I would love to be a part of something like that!” Was typically the response.

As an aside, shortly after we launched I had a similar conversation with someone about the vision of IKON only this time I wasn’t using “non-profit” language. Instead I referred to what we were doing as “church”. Her response was fascinating: “That sounds so amazing. I would really love to find a community and be a part of something like that. I just don’t want anything to do with the Jesus part. Maybe, I’ll start a secular version of that!” The vision really struck a chord with the heartbeat of San Francisco. God had been working on this vision in me for years, and I was the steward for that vision.

The vision that we started with however, was not the vision we ended with. And this is perhaps one of my greatest regrets. (Again, trying to toe the line between regret and reflection is a very difficult walk.) Shortly after launch, I began to loosen my grip on the vision. I invited others from within the church to give input into the vision. No longer was I casting vision, instead I began looking for affirmation. I think it’s fair to say that this switch was the result of insecurity–where it came from I still do not know (Tracy, my wife says it was Spiritual Warfare). As a result, the vision became murky and muddy. So we changed it. And not just a piece of it, but wholesale changed the vision of the church. If you want to confuse people, if you want to see people leave your church that had bought in to what they thought it was about, if you want to see two different groups work for two different things, then changing your vision 6 months in is a good way to experience that. Eventually, we changed the vision again… and then again. This really led to a great deal of confusion in our church.

Insecurity is one of the greatest deterrents for the church planter. Somehow, insecurity not only infiltrated my mind, but rushed in with a vengeance and captured my heart. There are myriad internal and external relationships and pressures that I’ve identified which led to these insecurities, as well as my own junk that I have since dealt with. It was this insecurity that led me to to look for affirmation… an affirmation that never really came. At every turn I didn’t find the affirmation I sought, but rather different people looking to have their own, very different preferences included into the overarching vision.

Important note: When you start leading from your insecurities, you’re really not leading you’re simply jerking them around.

As a church planter (and even as a pastor) this is a big challenge to overcome. I believe every pastor deals with insecurity to some degree, all the time. And really, how could you not? You’re being told how awesome you are at one turn and how terrible you are at another… constantly. Everything from your preaching to your style of dress is seemingly under constant scrutiny, it’s enough to make you go mad. It’s easy to begin jerking people around on the insecurity roller coaster when that’s the only ride you can see. There are three things I wish I would have done/recognized early on that would have helped prevent insecurity.

  1. You need a person. Identify a close confidant. Now let me say, I had a coach, in fact at one point I had 5 coaches for various things, but a coach is not a close confidant. That’s not their role. They are there to push you, kick you in the teeth when you need it, and expose you to truths that you’re not paying attention to. But they’re not a pastoral type of figure for you. A coach, although essential, is not what I’m talking about. You need a person, your person, who is walking down a similar road. I’m not talking about a mentor either. I’m suggesting that you need a friend who is also a church planter, perhaps in a different part of the country, that you make it a point to talk to each other regularly about what you’re experiencing and going through. There is no one that will understand what you’re going through more than another church planter. Networks are great, network meetings are great, network phone calls are great… but you need one person not 4. One person you can count on, one person you can dump some stuff on, and one person who will pray for you about your junk… and at the same time you are that person for them. It’s a give-give relationship, a life-bringing, life-giving relationship. I wish I would have recognized how important this was early on. I eventually found that person in the desert… seriously, he literally lives in a desert. It changed a lot of things for me, unfortunately it was a bit too late for IKON. This is vital for you to identify sooner rather than later.
  2. Identify the source… and then cut it off. It’s important to take a step back and reflect, and when you find yourself wrestling with insecurity the same feels even more necessary. So, take a step back, go away for a retreat or just lock yourself in the closet for a couple of hours and think through where the source of insecurity is coming from. Is it from an individual? (In my experience this is the most likely case.) Once you’ve identified the source of your insecurity, then you need to figure out why it/him/her has this kind of power over you… and then cut it off. I found that at one point insecurity was growing in me because of a feedback loop that was out of control. I had invited a team of people to give feedback on the Sunday messages, however, for various reasons–and perhaps insecurities on their own part–the feedback loop became damaging. So, I shut it down for a season before re-opening it in a different format and way. It allowed me the space to find solid ground once again and move forward. So, identify the source and cut it off… this is a lot harder when it comes to people. Especially if that person is on your staff team.
  3. Don’t Forget Your Daily Affirmations. This video: Daily Affirmation is really important to integrate into your life. No, seriously it is. Have you watched it yet? Well do it now.**

Don’t let go of your vision. Remember that if you did the work, if you listened well to both God and your city, the vision is something that God has placed on your heart to lead. Don’t be so quick to let go of it, instead hold tightly and see what God actually has in store…***

* I’m not using the phrase “inspired by God” in the same way as I would use it to describe Scripture.

** Now of course I’m not completely serious, but remember humor is a great way to deal with your insecurities… if anything it gives you a brief mental respite.

*** Some of you read this whole thing and got really frustrated because I didn’t mention things like prayer, or turn to God, or read the Bible, or journal… basic spiritual disciplines. Well, let me just say that if a church planter (or pastor) is not doing those things, if we cannot assume those as the basics that undergird everything then we have greater problems as a church than insecurity. Can’t we move past the basics for a change?

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Lighten Up!


This post has been republished by the Exponential Network

A journal is extremely useful… especially if you use it, and use it well. Meaning, it’s not just a place to capture your thoughts and experiences in the moment but something to come back to and reflect upon down the road. It’s a tool that can help you see marked change and transformation in your life, or just how much you haven’t changed. It can even be a tool to show you how much of a tool you were and continue to be…

Recently I’ve been reading through my journal entries for 2011 and 2012 (the last two of four years spent on the ground in San Francisco as a church planter/pastor type), I’ve been shocked at just how hard I was on myself. I mean, really hard (and that feels like an understatement.) They say that there’s no greater critic than oneself and although I’ve certainly lived up to that standard I couldn’t help but step back from my journals and say, “Dude, lighten up!”

Every church planter, every pastor knows that receiving criticism is a big part of the job, from “your sermon sucked,” to the people that want to critique minute details of your theology, to those that are offended you would suggest such a thing, to those that just want to harp on how you dress. Criticism is ever present, and as a lead pastor/church planter I received more criticism than I ever expected (it gave me a newfound respect for the senior pastors I’d worked for in the past). Nary a day went by that I didn’t have to deal with one form of criticism or another from congregants to staff to our venue through email, phone calls, text messages, or in-person ambushes… and that’s not a fun space to occupy. The worst part of it, however, is coming home and doing it to yourself all over again–hijacking the personal/sacred space of your journal to beat yourself up even more harshly.

I wish I could go back a few years and tell myself to lighten up, to not be so hard on myself, whether it was a failed sermon illustration or continually berating myself for my perceived lack of devotion to Jesus (which was borne out of owning overly unfair and harsh criticism from others). So, church planter/pastor here’s something I learned along the way, Stop fighting yourself. Stop beating yourself up. In fact, it reminds me of the scene in Fight Club (I am Jack’s Smirking Revenge) where Jack starts to beat himself up in his bosses office; that’s sort of what we’re doing to ourselves. We take enough body shots throughout the day from others, we don’t need to go home and continue the pounding. Stop fighting yourself; stop abusing yourself.

I know it’s easier said than done. I know that the weight and pressure you’re under is unbearable at times, especially when we continually remind ourselves: “I have to answer to God for this church someday…” And although that is true, can I just say that it is a completely unfair standard of perfection to place on your shoulders alone. There are a lot of others that have to answer for this church someday, not just you alone. All God asks of us is to be faithful: “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

So recapture your personal/sacred space. Recapture your head space and lighten up. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing just fine. Continue to be faithful and let God be God in the church he’s called you to lead.

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Spiritual Warfare is Different Than I Thought


spiritual warfare
This post has been republished by the Exponential Network
When I embarked on the journey to plant a church in the city of San Francisco I had been a pastor for a decade. I had served in various congregations in California and the suburbs of Chicago, I had taken on various roles from youth pastor to worship pastor to director of ministry. Each and every one of these roles helped to formulate some thoughts and ideas surrounding spiritual warfare, but being that I am not from the charismatic/pentecostal stream of theological thought, spiritual warfare was seen as more of an inconvenience instead of a hard and fast reality.

In the past, spiritual warfare was often just an excuse. The reason why no one came to the marriage retreat? It wasn’t because we planned it during Memorial Day weekend. No, it was spiritual warfare. The reason the sound system blew out? It wasn’t because we continually pushed it to “11” during youth group. No, it was spiritual warfare… the Devil doesn’t want us worshipping on Sunday mornings!* The way in which we have used spiritual warfare in the evangelical, non-Pentecostal/Charismatic church has eroded away our understanding of what actually takes place behind the scenes. I would argue that we have actually succumbed to one of the world’s greatest lie’s succinctly stated by Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

I had never had an encounter with what I could undeniably call “spiritual warfare” until the journey to plant a church began. We had been in the city for almost a year, preparations for launching were well underway and we were closing in on our official public launch. I was excited and ready to see all the fundraising, the training, the dreaming, the conversations, the vision casting finally come together for a Sunday morning gathering.

One October night, I went to sleep with tremendous excitement, with such an overwhelming exuberance that I thought I was going to explode! The next morning I left the apartment in a much different state.

During the middle of the night I was jolted awake. I began shouting and kicking as hard as I could, “Get off me! Get off me!” My wife who was sleeping beside me was instantly thrust out of her sleep and tried to calm me down. “Are you okay?!” She repeatedly asked. “Yeah,” I responded. “Just a bad dream.” She went back to sleep, but for the rest of the night I laid wide awake. This, however, wasn’t a bad dream.

I had been jolted awake by someone or something grabbing my legs and pinning them down. I was completely paralyzed, unable to move, unable to kick, unable to do anything… I couldn’t even open my mouth. The room was overtaken by a great darkness, darker than anything I had ever experienced, and as I struggled with every fiber of my being to move, I could not. This lasted for what seemed like an eternity but was only a few minutes and then, all of a sudden, it loosened its grip. That’s when I was able to kick and scream and startled my wife out of her sleep.

When I got out of bed in the morning I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t explain what had happened, I was in a state of confusion and shock, and I didn’t know how to wrap my mind around the experience. I went about the business of the day but I didn’t tell anyone what had happened. I didn’t tell my staff team, I didn’t tell my coach, I didn’t tell our management team, I didn’t tell our project manager, I didn’t tell a soul. I couldn’t. I simply held it in for fear that people would think I was a crazy person. That’s when the real suffering began.

For the next 3 months I dried up relationally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Every fiber of my being was robbed and I began shutting down.

I shut down with God. I lost interest in prayer, in Scripture, in journaling. I felt at a distance and disconnected from Him. I shut down with the staff. I was carrying this unfathomable experience around and I didn’t know how to process it or how to talk about it. So, I didn’t. I shut down with people from the congregation. I blamed it on stress, I blamed it on being busy, but I began to separate myself bit by bit from the people I was charged with caring for. I shut down physically. I stopped running, I stopped exercising. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch television all day. I was becoming a shell.

For three months this continued until God broke through and I snapped out of it. Except I never fully recovered from this experience. This greatly affected the first three months of the life of IKON in ways that I’m not sure I’ll ever fully grasp, and as time went on it affected and threatened the entire existence of IKON.

I wish I could say that this was the only time this happened, but it wasn’t. A few years later, in May of 2012, I experienced an identical situation. I was jolted awake, paralyzed completely by a darkness that pinned my legs down and breathed heavy on me. The moment I was able to speak I spoke with as much authority as I could muster, “In the name of Jesus, get out!” In an instant the darkness was gone.

For the next week I recognized the same pattern was beginning to emerge. I was shutting down emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. This time, however, I decided I would not go down the same road. This time I spoke up and began reaching out. I emailed our management team and asked them for prayer. I let my church planting network in on the situation. I asked various leaders in our church to pray for me. This time was going to be different.

This was a battle like none I had ever faced. I continually found myself slipping in and out of what felt like catatonic states but this time there were people praying, a lot of people praying, and I could feel the difference.

There are moments, even in the recounting of this experience, that I still feel crazy. I have questioned myself over and over again on whether or not to actually publish this post for fear of what others might think or say. But I believe this is one of the most important things that I learned as a church planter: Spiritual warfare is frighteningly real and it’s a lot different than I thought.

Here are some things that I learned, and by no means is this comprehensive. My hope is that you’ll at least begin to think through some of these things and have a course of action to take at the very least.

  1. You have authority through Jesus… remember that. In the midst of whatever attack you are facing, call upon the name of Jesus.
  2. Tell people. You cannot shoulder this burden alone. It is far more than you can handle by yourself. There are people in your life that love and care for you and will pray with you, for you, and continually check in to see how you’re doing. So, tell them. Have them pray for you. Ask them to check up on you, you’ll need people to be proactive in this. Don’t hold it in alone.
  3. Pray + Read Scripture. Don’t allow yourself to disconnect from God during this time. Immediately pray, set up reminders on your phone or in your calendar to pray. Be proactive about this and don’t let it slip. You need to allow an experience like this to drive you closer to God rather than to drive a wedge. At the same time, do not neglect Scripture. Read it. In fact, I would encourage you to deviate from your reading plan and spend time praying through the Psalms. There will be a great sense of comfort and encouragement there as you read and pray through the prayers Jesus prayed.
  4. Write it down. Record your experience in a journal. Spend time recounting what happened with as much detail as you can as soon as you can. Don’t wait to long. Over the course of the next week begin to take stock of where you are Relationally, Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. Perhaps grade yourself on a scale of 1-5, and then evaluate what has changed in you since the attack. This will be valuable not only in processing what has happened, but also in how you pray and for how other people pray for you. It will also be an invaluable tool for you if you experience the exact same kind of attack again. You’ll be able to spot patterns more quickly and mitigate the damage. (I really wish I would have done this.)

I am quite sure there is more that can and should be done in the wake of an experience like this, and I hope you will do some investigation. My goal with this post is to awaken you to the realities that demonic attacks can take place in the life of the church planter, and that you will at the very least have a course of action.

Remember, you are breaking new ground. You are establishing a beachhead for the Kingdom. You should expect real and serious resistance. But know that God has called you to this and although it may not feel like it at the time, He will always be there fighting alongside you.

* These are pretty ridiculous, and not actual events… but they are indicative of how we’ve used spiritual warfare as an excuse in the past.

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Advertise Differently


church advertising

This post has been republished by the Exponential Network

There are different schools of thought out there regarding advertising and the church, each with their merits. I don’t want to get into the debate surrounding advertising and the church, but perhaps what this post will offer by way of insight is something to chew on and a potential third way to move forward with.

Before I launched IKON (a church plant in downtown San Francisco) I knew I didn’t want to go the standard route of advertising through postcards. I didn’t think that it would resonate well in the city, especially from an environmental waste standpoint*. However, we had a dedicated budget line for advertising and it was generally understood that we would use this for postcards, so if I wanted to by-pass this medium I had to think of a different way to use the dedicated budget.

My friends at REUNION Christian Church in Boston launched a few years before us and found some success in advertising on the T platform (the city’s public transportation line.) I was fascinated by this as a medium but wanted to think of it a bit differently, not as an invitation to join us but as a means of communicating truths to the masses. This is how our first MUNI (San Francisco’s public transportation line) ad came to be.

We paid an artist from Seattle for the rights to use his artwork in our advertising scheme. He had developed a series of wood etchings called “The Fruits of the Spirit” that were “ironic” in nature. We chose 2 for our MUNI advertisements: “Love” and “Peace”. This is how they turned out:


We paid for a 6-week run in three different MUNI stations, however these signs stayed up for over 6 months. When inquiring about the longevity of the advertisements we were told by the ad company that there was a California State Assemblyman who really liked the powerful statements that were being communicated. He asked if they could remain up as long as possible. As a result, the ad company took a bit longer than usual to sell our spots. I received a great deal of encouragement and support from people throughout the city for these ads, many of which were not Christians and many of whom didn’t really have or want a connection to the church. The message resonated well and opportunities for beautiful conversations surrounding gospel truth began opening up.

(We also printed out 1000 postcards of these images and set them in coffee shops around the city, like many other businesses do. They stood out like a sore thumb–but in a good way. It wasn’t outside the norm to see these postcards on people’s desks around the city–most of whom had no connection to IKON, or attached to mirror’s in people’s homes–again no connection to IKON and no clue that I was responsible for these postcards when I was invited into their home for coffee or dinner.)

Our second MUNI campaign was also very well received by non-Christians within the city, however Christians were very critical and disparaging. Again, the idea was to communicate truth and create opportunities for conversation. As a community we were walking through the Gospel of Luke and specifically hitting on a section of the Gospel where the love of Jesus was becoming explicitly clear. We decided to borrow a book title for our sermon series and naturally thought the truth that was being communicated was to good to pass up, so we turned it into a MUNI ad. The truth? Love Wins.

muni Love Wins

Christians inside and outside of the city immediately accused us of promoting Rob Bell’s controversial book by the same title and claims that our church was a cult increased in the Christian community (always a fun battle to walk through). I responded time and again to harsh emails, nasty phone messages on the church voicemail line, and disparaging comments from Christians, however non-Christians resonated with the message and appreciated a church that was promoting love. (This always struck me as odd that we were appreciated by non-Christians as promoting love… isn’t that what the church is supposed to be doing all the time anyways?)

Our third campaign was in its final stages of design and testing before IKON closed. Unfortunately it never saw the light of day, however it was my favorite MUNI ad of the three. This one, however was a bit more bold than the others and actually received some great feedback from non-Christians, especially when asked what they would do if they saw this on a MUNI platform while standing with a friend or co-worker. The general response from non-Christians? “I’d talk about it… not about whether it was right or wrong to have the name of Jesus out there, but I’d talk about what the name of Jesus meant… I mean it’d be hard not to with that staring you down.”


I want to advocate that you shouldn’t use advertising to get people to come to your church service. If that is your goal, I would argue that you’re not only caught up in but perpetuating a cycle of consumerism, creating and catering to consumer Christians. Most non-Christians won’t see your ad and think, “Yeah, I want to go to there.”

I want to advocate a different type of advertisement for the church. In fact, this is what I learned. When you advertise the truth about the gospel in creative and bold ways, when you instigate conversation through a MUNI ad, when people are ready to have those types of conversations in a spiritual group, you’ll be the first place they turn. Advertising shouldn’t be a short term strategy to experience numerical growth. Instead, take the long approach and let people know that when they want to have honest conversations about truth, about Jesus they know that you’re the church community to jump in with.

*My original hypothesis regarding postcards was that they wouldn’t work in San Francisco. However, after seeing them work for a church planter in downtown LA and several churches in SF shortly after us it has definitely proved to be a viable option. It works simply because no one uses that medium in the city outside of political campaigns every four years.