For a New Beginning

0 comments

new beginning
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

John O’Donohue
To Bless the Space Between Us

What I Learned as a Church Planter: To Partner or Not To Partner

1 comment

church planting partnerships

I have often been asked about my church planting story, “If you had it to do all over again, would you partner with an organization to plant a church or would you go it alone?”

I spent 5 years fundraising for, training for, launching, leading, and pastoring a church plant in the city of San Francisco. There are several lessons I learned along the way; lessons from failure, lessons from success, and lessons from reflection. As I reflected on this question of partnerships the one thing I do know is that there is not a one-size-fits-all answer.

My initial purpose for partnering with an organization in planting a church was two-fold:

  1. I needed money to make this dream of planting a church in the second most expensive city in the country a reality.
  2. I didn’t want to walk this journey alone. Church planting is an extremely lonely endeavor (perhaps one of the realities we blind ourselves to the most) and I was terrified as I stared at this reality.

My two criteria for partnering with organizations (money and relationship) were motivated out of fear. This is a terrible motivator for partnership.

The partnership relationship is a very important thing for a church planter, especially for the non-denominational church planter. There has been a rise in church planting networks around the country fro Ecclesia to NewThing to Acts 29 to Arc, etc, mainly to fill the void of the denominational structure lacking for the non-denominational church planter. This is a good thing. However, when looking for partnership one must begin to look beyond money and relationship as the sole criteria because, let’s be honest: every organization has money and offers a level of relationship. This will not distinguish an organization nor will it set you up for a positive and lasting partnership.

There are 4 criteria that I would recommend investigating when answering for yourself the question of partnership.

  1. Do your core values align? This is the sing-most important question for the planter to ask. First because it requires that you, the planter, have done the work of identifying your own core values. As a church planter it is important that you are planting the church that Go has called you to plant, to birth the vision he has placed on your heart. It is all to easy, especially in the throws of church planting, to never identify your own core values and instead adopt the core values of the organization you have chosen to partner with. Secondly, as your partnership grows, an alignment of core values will create a greater sense of unity and possibility moving forward. If your values are not aligned, you are only inviting strife and challenge down the road, perhaps even at a crucial moment.

    When I say core values, I’m not speaking of the church’s core values but rather your core values. At this stage in planting there are no church core values (at least there shouldn’t be–there is no church yet). Therefore, you have to align personally with the organization you’re partnering with. Ultimately the organization is looking to partner with you, not your church. (This is a blurred line that can create some challenges down the road if your values are not in alignment.) If you haven’t yet concretely identified your own core values, I’d recommend checking out Kouzes + Posner’s Leadership Challenge Values Cards set. It’s a tremendously valuable exercise that will help you discover your Core Values.

  2. What’s in it for them? The second question you need to ask is what’s in it for them. I know that we want to believe that church planting organizations are altruistic and simply want to give you money and make you successful, but that’s not the case, fully. Church planting organizations have people to answer to, investors, partners, etc. For me, one of the benefits the organizations we partnered with received was saying they planted a church in San Francisco. This was a benefit, it looked good in fundraising letters, it showed a commitment to urban planting, etc. However, this was not the primary benefit.

    Most organizations have a “pay it forward” agreement that is written into their contract. You need to know what is being asked of you and your church moving forward. Some organizations require you to give 10% of your offerings for the next 10 years, others ask for 13% for 12 years, others ask for a “partnership fee” which can range from $5,000/year on up for the lifetime of your partnership. It’s important that you know what the organization is asking in return, that you’re comfortable with it, and that you can fulfill that agreement. (I would add, don’t be afraid to negotiate the “pay it forward” to something you can be comfortable with, that you can fulfill, and that won’t hamper your vision.)

  3. What is expected of you? This is a two-fold question, first what is expected of your time and secondly what are the metrics of success and expectations for your plant.

    As a church planter your sole focus should be on the church that God has called you to plant. The organizations role should be to support you however they can. Different organizations have different expectations and demands on your time and you need to be familiar with those expectations up front. These, demands/expectations are not a bad thing. The motivations behind them are good, whether they are training exercises of sorts, meetings that discuss the future of the organization, networking opportunities, etc. However, if you are expected to leave your city for these sorts of events more than 4 times a year it is more than likely to much. It will drag on you and it will drag on your congregation. Be sure to take that into account, your schedule as a church planter is already going to be hectic and to add in one more thing can be a tipping point towards burnout.

    As for the expectation of success, you need to know the scorecard the organization is playing with. This will dictate what their expectations are of you and you will need to play by their scorecard. So you need to agree with it. If you are wanting to start a different church than is typical for that organization then there could be a challenge down the road for you. I would recommend talking with them up front about their scorecard, asking whether they would be willing to toss their scorecard aside for the vision of the church that you have, and then offering them a replacement scorecard they can use to evaluate you with.

  4. What do other people say about that organization? When it’s all said and done, you need to ask others about the reputation and reliability of the organization. Don’t simply ask those who have successfully planted with that organization but also those whose church plants didn’t make it. You will gain a wealth of information and stories, you’ll hear the frustrations and the positives, and this will help you gain a clearer picture of what partnership with that organization will look like, and perhaps how they have learned from past failings. Remember it’s important to ask specifics, and be sure to ask question that stem from your concerns.

Remember, partnering with an organization is a two-way street. You are not only courting them but they should be courting you as well. Don’t allow the fear of money and the loneliness of planting be the motivators for partnering with an organization. You need to make sure you have a good fit.

If I had it to do all over again, I would still partner with an organization or two to plant a church. I believe in partnership and I believe in the synergy and momentum that partnership provides. I would, however, enter differently into those partnerships and as a result I believe the partnership would not only be more beneficial for all involved but more successful.

Currently » 02

2 comments

currently02

Reading | Christopher Heuertz’s book Unexpected Gifts: Discovering the Way of Communiyt has been an amazing and very difficult book to read. It has been difficult simply because it is challenging me every step of the way, pushing me to think differently about some of my own failures in attempting to create sustainable community while. In fact, this has been a very emotional read. This is a book I wish I would have read years ago, however I’m not quite sure I would have listened in the same way. Perspective changes everything.

Loving | Two days in South Lake Tahoe are providing us with some much needed rest from the stress of packing and buying a house, the emotional goodbyes and final days in the city we love. I love the scenery, the fresh air, the cold breezes, and the fireplace in our hotel room. This is one of those moments you know you need, to refresh your soul, for your heart to recoup, and your mind to slow down.

Looking Forward To | Driving across the country with my wife as we shift from mourning our move from San Francisco to emotionally preparing for our new adventure in Springfield, Illinois. We have been looking forward to this drive as a sacred moment in our journey, a marker for what has been and the beginning of something new.

Challenged By | Grieving well the loss of something you can’t quite put into words. This has been a very hard and emotionally exhausting season of transition as we leave the city of San Francisco. I have been heartened by this quote from A.A. Milne (author of Winnie the Pooh):
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

How I “Denied the Faith” and Became a “Godless Man”

1 comment

GodlessTen months ago my life changed forever. After 10 years of marriage, my wife and I welcomed our very first child into the world and I have never been the same since.

Perhaps the biggest influencer in the change I experienced is that for the past 10-months I have been a stay at home dad. Day-in and day-out I spend every waking moment with our daughter. Through sleep-strikes, uncontrollable wailing because her poor teething gums hurt, to bumps and bruises as she learns to stand on her own, even throwing the food she finds unacceptable in my face, the moments of joy and laughter, the moments of tenderness and care as I watch her fall to sleep in my arms or smile at the silly faces I make; I have had the privilege of being there through it all. These past 10-months have contained some of the most joyous and yet most difficult moments of my life–yes, even more difficult than when I was a pastor. Being a stay-at-home parent is hard. (I can’t imagine doing it with more than one child–bravo to those of you who are able/capable of such extraordinary feats of strength!)

You could say that the difficulty from being a stay-at-home parent stems from the transformative shaping that occurs within. Never before have I been thrust into a situation or lengthened period of time where I have had to grow more and faster in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control–you know, the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5). This is why I was so surprised to find out from a prominent pastor (Mark Driscoll), that I have in fact “denied the faith” and become a “Godless Man.” (Video Link*)

Let me summarize the video for you in a couple of sentences: Condemnation. This condemnation is specifically for all stay-at-home dad’s, ‘Peter Pan types’ who simply don’t want to grow up and instead choose the lazy route as a stay-at-home dad rather than being a real man who provides for his family. This is a role that no woman can respect.**

The challenge of these condemnatory statements are at least two-fold.

First, the basis for Driscoll’s statements derive from a misquote and a misunderstanding of his prooftext 1 Timothy 5.8, which reads (from the English Standard Version–Driscoll’s translation of choice):

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

The misquoting of the passage happens when he inserts gender into a passage where none exists. The original Greek for this sentence is gender neutral (which the ESV captures in its translation), yet Driscoll insists on making this about men instead of the intended universal truth that is for all Christians regardless of gender: “Provide for your household.”

The misunderstanding comes from a narrow interpretation of the word ‘provide’. Dricoll has chosen to narrowly define the word ‘provide’ to merely financial terms. However the word here actually contains a much broader understanding of provision extending into the realm of physical, emotional, and spiritual care. It is a word that lays out an expectation of continuous responsibility to one another, a covenantal relationship.

As a stay-at-home dad, I am upholding the universal truth of this passage by staying home and caring for my daughter. I have been providing for my family what is necessary in this season of life, and it has been a sacrifice on my part to do so.

Second, I take issue with Driscoll’s assertion that being a stay-at-home dad is a lazy role for a man. If that is the case, then what does this say about women who choose this role for themselves? Is he really implying that this is all they can handle? Being a stay-at-home parent is not easy (I’ve said as much already), however to liken it to laziness and then say that this is really all a women is suited for is a horrible degradation and a completely skewed understanding of gender roles within the home.**

Today (May 14, 2013) is officially my last full day as a stay-at-home dad. I get to re-enter the “work force” in the next couple of weeks as a pastor. These past 10-months staying at home with my daughter have been truly amazing. Moments that I will never forget and will cherish for the rest of my life. In fact I can honestly say, despite how hard it is, I will miss this. I will miss our spontaneous mid-afternoon “daddy-daughter” dances, taking her to Giants games in the middle of the afternoon, going for walks around the neighborhood creating silly songs along the way. And sure, I’ll still be able to do these things but it will be different. I won’t be with her every waking moment of the day… and that will be a drastic change that will take getting used to.

Being a stay-at-home dad is difficult and even more so in the face of our success-oriented, career-focused society. It is a counter-cultural sacrifice that shows the extent to which you are willing to give of yourself to your family. You, the stay-at-home dad, have my respect. You have not denied the Faith but instead have walked full bore into it. You have not become Godless but as the Fruits of the Spirit grow from within, you have become more like Jesus. And that is the true measure of a man.

* This is a clip from a sermon by Mark Driscoll at Mars Hill Church in Seattle in 2008. I would love to assume that someone has lovingly talked with Mark about his comments and perhaps even changed his view. However, the video of this teaching remains up on the Mars Hill YouTube Channel (as of May 14, 2013), so I don’t believe he’s backed off his statement. And if he has, he should at the very least have the video removed so that articles like this one become irrelevant.

** Not to mention that this is a horribly narrow understanding of masculinity!

“I Married Up” : Can We Stop With This Backhanded Compliment?

1 comment

Married Up

Tracy and I celebrated 11 years of marriage earlier this year (2013). It has been an unbelievable journey marked with highs and lows, challenging moments, beautiful stories, and fun. Lots and lots of fun. I cannot imagine walking through this life and sharing the moments we have shared with anyone else. I am tremendously thankful for my wife. BUT, and let me be really clear here, I did NOT marry up.

I know, I know, how unromantic and even mean spirited of me to say. What a horrible thing to say after a decade-plus-one anniversary. You’re all wondering if I somehow missed the “man memo”, right? The memo that explicitly reads: “To pay the highest compliment to your wife in public, you must say with gusto: ‘I married up!’ This will garner you the love and affection of a blushing bride, and cover a multitude of sins.”

This “compliment” (I married up) comes straight out of the standard-issue husband-manual you receive on your wedding day. It is a required sentiment to describe your wife to others. It’s an updated phrase from the last edition when we used, “my better half” in the same situations. And this phrase is well meaning, but it is anything but a compliment. In fact, I’d argue it’s more of a backhanded compliment.

Let me explain, because you simply have to take the inverse of the phrase to get what I’m saying.
When someone says, “I married up,” what exactly does that say about their spouse?
It sounds like their spouse is better than they are, right? Like the husband is being romantic, discarding his own pride and ego as a means to elevate his wife. And therein lies the compliment. However, there’s a backhanded side to this phrase as well. If you think about the sentiment for just a moment you’d have to then wonder, how did you get someone like that? Did you catch her on a bad day or a bad year? Did she settle? Poor girl. Maybe you simply conned her? She must be pretty gullible, eh? The implications of this phrase don’t speak very highly of your wife, does it? Doesn’t really speak volumes about her judgement of character, does it? But then again, wives are just supposed to be pretty, shiny trophies right? I mean, that’s how we often times treat them, isn’t it?

You may think I’m being ridiculous or that I’m too caught up in my own hyperbole. You may think I’m over thinking this whole thing and trying to make a point where one doesn’t really exist. But I do wonder, and I think we all should wonder, why has it become necessary to degrade ourselves in order to give a proper compliment? Think about it… I’ll wait.

When this becomes our approach, we not only degrade ourselves, but we unintentionally diminish the other person robbing both them and ourselves of our humanity.

So, I did NOT marry up and I hope that Tracy would say the same thing. We both made a wise decision and have worked hard to not only sustain our love but to sacrifice for and submit to one another. My wife is a brilliant and talented woman who tirelessly gives of herself to others. She exemplifies the kingdom of God, challenging and pushing me to be a better version of myself. And she is an amazing mother… an absolutely amazing mother.

Isn’t it more honoring to actually compliment our wives instead of saying, “I married up”? So, men, can we please stop using this phrase and work at using real compliments?

Currently » 01

0 comments

currently01

Reading | Parker Palmer’s book A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life has been a good read lately as he describes and lays out how a “Circle of Trust” or “Discernment Circle” functions. I have really enjoyed the conversation in the book surrounding the posture of listening and how, pastorally, to create a space safe enough for the soul to speak.

Loving | Terrence Malick (Tree of Life, The Thin Red Line) has written and directed a new movie called To the Wonder that I simply can’t watch enough. I have now watched this movie three times and each time I have been moved to tears at the end. There’s something about the prayer of St. Patrick at the end of the movie that, after being engulfed in the story, moves me in ways I cannot describe nor express:
(Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me, Christ beside me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ all around me…)

Looking Forward To | A couple of days in Lake Tahoe to relax and dream about what is possible in this next section of life. Lake Tahoe is a two-day stop in our week long drive across the country to our new home in Springfield, Illinois.

Challenged By | In this season of exit and this season of preparation, I have been challenged to embrace what has been and turn towards what is next. It is a difficult thing to say goodbye and grieve while also preparing your heart for the amazing journey that lies ahead.

What I Learned as a Church Planter: Focus on the Positive

0 comments

church planting

Creating something out of nothing is never easy, and that’s part of what makes church planting so difficult. Thankfully there is a plethora of new books, resources, and conferences available to help the church planter navigate the models, strategies, and networks that can help you bring a new church into existence. However, what often times gets left by the wayside is the other side of church planting, equally as difficult and perhaps more disastrous if left unattended: YOU.

Before launching IKON, one of the cultural markers I wanted to create in a new church was a culture of encouragement. The impetus being: encouragement and a positive outlook will propel your church forward with greater momentum. A culture lacking encouragement and a focus on the positive will stall out, focus on the wrong things (major in the minor), and find itself in a hole at best and a tailspin at worst.

I thought that I had learned my lesson. After a prior stint as a lead pastor, I wrote in my journal:

“I wish we would’ve celebrated our wins… instead, every meeting started with the problems and issues we were facing (and they were a multitude). Everyone left these meetings feeling down and out.

The solution, I thought, would be to start every meeting by highlighting the positive. This one simple act would help craft the culture I sought. I relied on this one “trick” to create encouragement and failed to take the next steps required to craft a true culture of encouragement.

Focusing on the positive and crafting a culture of encouragement requires proactivity. Relying on the “trick” at the start of meetings may be a good start, a good way to share with a group stories and conversations everyone may not have been privy to, however, if you (the leader, the pastor) are spearheading the conversation there are unintended consequences that can occur that ultimately short circuit any hopes of crafting a strong culture of encouragement.

  1. You will be viewed as only wanting to hear about the positive. This can (and in my case did) close off a valuable feedback circle. It can alienate you from some of the real needs within the church because you are seen (whether fairly or not) as only wanting to know about the good things that are happening, brushing the challenges and problems aside.
  2. Relying on this “trick” makes it harder to discover other positive stories. When relying on this space, you stop actively pursuing the beautiful stories that are taking place in the church. You expect these stories to “come to you” and forget it is important to be proactive in seeking out the stories of your church community. And when the stories don’t “come to you”, discouragement can quickly overtake you.
  3. The “trick” can put others on the spot, creating a culture of competition or withholding. One of the thoughts that can circle the room in these moment:”My story isn’t as good, so there’s no reason to share it…” Unfortunately this devalues the good, no matter how “small” it may seem. Sometimes, the “small” stories are the great stories! If the “trick” is the only space for sharing stories, then you’re not actually creating a culture of story-telling within your church. And if you’re not creating a culture of story telling, then stories never get heard and fade away. When you come into a space where the “trick” is employed, no one is there to champion your story and share on your behalf (because they never heard it in the first place) leaving you questioning the value of your story.

There are certainly more unintended consequences, but these are three I directly experienced in our church culture.

It is vital that as a leader, you focus in on the positive for your church. We have to celebrate the amazing things that God is up to in our midst. There are many beautiful stories happening all around us, every day, but we must be proactive in discovering them if we truly want to create a culture of encouragement. Meaning, it must be a point of conversation in every interaction with others. Seek out the good that God is doing, don’t expect it to come to you.

At the same time, however, your conversation needs to be balanced. You have to be open to hearing about the needs of the individual and how you, as a pastor, can walk alongside them. A culture of positivity and encouragement is only possible when balanced with genuine interest and care.

I failed at the balancing act and tended more towards the “trick” instead of nurturing a culture. As a result I missed some of the tell-tale signs of impending disaster. I became the guy that only wanted to hear about the positive, not the challenges lurking around the corner. This posture secluded me from what was really happening beneath the surface.

Creating a culture of encouragement is easier said than done. It is a difficult balancing act that must be walked wisely. However, I believe it is one of the most important cultural distinctive’s that must be nurtured for longevity and health in a new church.

Keep Calm, I’m Making Changes

1 comment

change
This blog has been in existence since 2004, however you wouldn’t know it by looking around. Why? Because at the moment (May, 2013) there is no content left.

I have written over 2,000 posts ranging from the intersection of faith and politics to my own personal struggles and journey as a pastor to a church planter; music to silly videos I’ve stumbled across to pointless drivel that all these years later make no sense in or out of context. Blogging has been an outlet of frustration with myself, with the Church, with a state of affairs that is no longer current, and a painful, albeit too public display of my own immaturity. Nine years ago I stepped into the world of blogging without any real sense of purpose or understanding of this world of instant publishing. Today, I would like to believe, I have gained a better sense of perspective.

There are times in our lives when we all wish we could start fresh, times we wish we could erase the unseemly bits of our past and let only the good moments remain on display. In some respects that’s what I’m doing with my little slice of the internet–I’m cleaning it up a bit, I’m making changes*. However, this time around I am reentering into this realm with eyes wide open, understanding that there is a great responsibility to what is published on the internet.

I want to use this space deliberately to communicate a Christian faith that is beautifully complex, unimaginably just, and excruciatingly gracious. I will still write about theology and politics and how they intersect, I will still write about the things that I am currently chewing on, I will still write about what I believe matters and what I think will help move the conversation down the road, and I will republish the posts from the past nine years that contribute to this focus.

I hope someday I will be as deliberate with my Facebook and Twitter streams as I am attempting to be with this space, however because of the ease of micro-blogging and my impulsive nature I cannot make any guarantees. Perhaps someday that will be a discipline I will be able to corral. In the meantime I would like to invite you to interact with me here in this fresh space and, if you so choose, help guide me toward this endeavor on Twitter and Facebook.

* Please know that this isn’t an attempt to hide anything away… I just want to clean up the vomit so that when guests walk into my little sphere they’re not stepping into a mess that should’ve been cleaned up years ago.

{photo}